Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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