any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
