I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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