see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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