I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
