During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
