all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
