Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
