Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
