I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
