Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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