that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
