I'm going to jail i love you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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