new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
