This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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