I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
