Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
