She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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