Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Jerry, you need to find god
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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