My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I could make wine with my vomit
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
