Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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