its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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