So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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