It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
