She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
