my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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