So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
