Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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