I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize