her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He kissed a someone with a penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
