The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
