I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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