who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
