oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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