Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
