one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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