Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Randomize
