just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
