My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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