Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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