So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
