so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
