I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
