and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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