all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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