Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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