I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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