True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
