Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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