You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
