Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
