even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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