i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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