the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
