There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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