I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
