apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
