Someone shit on the floor
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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