We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There r osticjed everywhere
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
