So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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