so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
