Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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