No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
