I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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