I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
