I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
