using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize