Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize