We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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