I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
two words...techno handjob
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize