the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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