I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
