We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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