Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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