I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
